My Story: The Start of the Beginning by Grace Eve

On June 28th, 2024, the catalyst of what would be The Start of the Beginning. I had arrived home from work, feeling rejuvenated and happy that I'm finally out of my depressed mindset. I lay myself on my bed and lose myself in TikTok. At 4:06 pm, I receive the call that will forever change my life. My assistant supervisor calls me, saying they have bad news, that I was being relocated and to not step foot on the premises; my heart dropped, not because I lost my job, but because of all the people I came to learn, know, and communicate with, who kept me going.

 The saddest part was my inability to say goodbye and receive closure, so I went back and said goodbye to those I could. After that, I was told that I was being relocated and to come in to change locations. This started the downward spiral I would call depression. They didn't give me a job for two whole months, they ignored my calls, and they kept me shut out. Instead of raising myself out of this slump and finding my own ways to make money, I allowed myself to rot in bed for those two months, stressing on how to pay bills, relying on green to dissociate, and being “okay” with all of this from the simple excuse “I'm just taking a break and allowing myself time before I started working again”.

Before all this had happened, my family and I had paid for an all-inclusive trip to Cancun. On August 12, 2024, a world-changing call had found its way to me. My Branch Manager called, telling me he had a position for me and asking if I could come that same day to meet him at the location for the interview. The address he sent me was for the exact same place I had worked at before. My first thought was, “They want me back?”; Funny enough, my brain confused the building I had worked for with the one across from me, and I had been working there for almost a year. The interview went amazingly well, as she already knew me, and my fate was set. They told me my start date is August 26, 2024; Now you must be wondering what the very first sentence has to do with all of this. My trip is scheduled for August 18th-26th, 2024; I would have possibly lost this position and still be stuck in my slump.

Now my only worry after that interview is paying for the rest of the bills I had left, so I got into UberEats, and was able to allocate $217 in the short time I had before leaving. We left for our trip and when I tell you I had the time of my life, I will never forget how mind-altering that experience was for me. I personally hate alcohol, it doesn't have a good effect and I always feel crappy after. Unfortunately, in Cancun where I was, green wasn't allowed on the premises, so I was drinkingggg and mann. We arrived on August 18, 2024, at 10:46 am, and at exactly 12:16 pm, I had my first drink. Now I myself don't need much to get me tipsy, let alone drunk, so you can imagine 3 mimosas, 4 shots, and 2 drinks later, what I was experiencing. The next morning was the (excuse my French) shittiest I have ever felt and will ever feel, I proceeded to throw up 5 times within 2 hours. I couldn't sleep well, the thought of eating made me nauseated and drinking water made me throw up. It felt like there was nothing I could do, I wish I could say it got better and it did, but for the rest of the trip I ate less than one meal a day, still intaking alcohol because it kept the nausea away, proceeded to get my period, all while being more active than I had been those two months, I had lost about 5-8 pounds in the span of that week. I won't go too much into the trip, but if you would like to hear more, leave a comment or DM. I did get to try that Hispanic green though, 9.5/10, didn't last long enough. After we left the resort, I suddenly could eat again, ATE up some buffalo wings (so good!). The next day I had work at 9:30 am and I was in good spirits, but suddenly it felt wrong to eat out like always, it wasn't as appetizing as I remembered, green wasn't serving me anymore, and I was just trying to hold onto what my life was like before.

 September 11, 2024, is the start of the beginning. I was at work and (usually this happens) I said to myself, "I just know I'm going to cry today." I've learned this year that it is okay to cry and that it's good I can recognize it, but what I didn't know was that I'm going to cry my heart out at work. I kept crying with negative thoughts filling my brain: “I'm not good enough,” “nobody cares about me,” “I'm failing at life,” “maybe I should have gone to college,” “I'm gaining my weight back,” “my lips are so ugly,” all of these self-deprecating thoughts. I said to myself, “I can't wait to go home, smoke, and sit in the park with headphones blasting Billie's new album,” like I always did. 

  Then a surprise came, my mother noticed the second I saw her that I had cried and was going on a walk. She asked to join me after I denied that I had cried and asked me immediately what was wrong and for the first time in roughly 10 years, someone was actually there for me when I was releasing tears. Now I did not release all I had wanted because my mom kept interrupting me to give advice. I love her for it, but the next day I found myself crying again. I told myself it was just what I didn't get to release yesterday, and something in me said to go on YouTube. 

 That day I espied a video called “7 Things You Need to Know as a Woman” created by Miss Leah Alexander (go subscribe and follow her, she's amazing), and as I'm listening to her words, I suddenly hear what changed my whole perspective and mindset on my life: “You need to stop relying on others to have a life, you need to put on your Big Girl Pants and take responsibility for your life, no one will do it for you.” That sentence, during my vulnerable state, made me explode with self-realization. I came to a conclusion that what I was doing in life wasn't serving me, that I never want to feel helpless ever again because I lost a job, that my beauty is astounding and my body is ethereal, that I have an elysian personality, that nobody is higher than me, no one is inferior or superior, that all I need to worry and care about are my thoughts and opinions and no one else's. 

I continued watching more videos, and the next day I realized as I was crying again (for the 3rd and last time) that crying is my healing, my time to access that vulnerable part of my brain I rarely allow myself to come in contact with consciously, and that crying is closure of that part of an era and the birth of a new one. I wish I could say that I immediately changed and life is thriving for me (it is but not miraculously), but gladly I can say it did not. I took it one day at a time. I allowed myself on the 14th to release the rest of my self-deprecation, on the 15th I enjoyed the last of my old life, on the 16th I researched products for skincare and bought said products (using what I had bought before but rarely used until they came in), on the 17th I went to the gym and decided I will go 6 days a week, on the 18th my room was fully cleaned, on the 19th I started reading 10 pages of Atomic Habits by James Clear before I went to sleep, on the 20th I fully cleaned my car for the first time since I received it (April 2024), on the 21st I stopped smoking, and so on. All while these small 1 percent's are happening, I'm learning and growing myself by making my bed every morning, staying hydrated, eating correctly and more, stretching, leaving no dishes in the sink, no clean laundry in the baskets, planning out my day, tracking my menstrual cycle, researching something new every day, planning out my life, etc. Each little thing is bringing me 1 percent of joy, and I'm so excited for this new journey. I can wait for my life to be exactly how I want. Every day I'm becoming more and more my authentic self. Every day I'm realizing and acknowledging my emotions, my health, and how the universe is affecting me. Every day I am reaching freedom. Every day I am leveling up, and every day my love grows for myself. I am the most important. I am a goddess, and I deserve everything aligned with me. The world works for me, and no one is better than me (or worse).

In conclusion, this is how we came to where we are now. I write this on September 27th, 2024 for you to come along with me on my journey. I hope I inspire you whenever you read this, to want to find your path, become your authentic higher self, escape society’s mindset, and realize you are a Goddess/God. On any platform, I welcome you to contact me for any inquiries, questions, advice, or if you want to begin The Start of the Beginning. 

I will have paid services, but I find it most important for you to truly find and love yourself more than money, so don't be afraid to reach out! Please support me on my other platforms as well to help spread this for those who do want to begin their journey. I love y’all sooo much. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and you're in mine. Grand Rising! Sweet dreams! Or have a Good afternoon! Muah

Words to know

~ Espied - To suddenly see or notice something

~ Elysian - beautiful or creative; divinely inspired; peaceful and perfect

~ Goddess/God - Me. You. We.